My baby was 12 months old only a few days ago .. One whole year! Where has that time gone. How many nappies have been changed in that time .. how many times have I been peed on , pooed on or spewed on .. How little sleep I have had in that time and how many nappies have I washed .. I have lost count. These days I am no different to any new mother thankfully.
Would I change a minute of it? In a one word answer NO!! I love being a Mother and would not change any of my motherhood journey since she was born.
I thought I would never have a child, my dreams seemed so out of reach and then suddenly here she was, this tiny, squirming little bundle and the love that had been growing during my pregnancy overflowed into something I never dreamt could be possible.
The amount of treatments I endured to get to this stage and then the constant morning, noon and night sickness that continued into my labour and only stopped when my baby had been delivered .. I was one of the lucky women who have round the clock sickness called Hyperemesis Gravidarum .. gee lucky me!!
Would I do it again. Hell Yes!! There is no question it is hard to do the whole IVF routine and I would have to go through it all over again as there are no backups for me. My baby was conceived from the one and only egg on the 3rd IVF retrieval round.
At 32 the doctors all told me I had plenty of time .. that is until testing began and then the story changed.
The first round of IVF was a nightmare with learning how to inject myself not once but numerous times a day. The day I went to hospital for the egg retrieval I was full of hope. Yes I was nervous but still hope was always there. They got 4 eggs. I told myself that was alright even though I knew that most women got between 8 to 12 eggs in a retrieval. I had just 4 to be found and retrieved. That was okay they could still fertilize and there could still be a spare or two.
Day one the news from the lab was not promising, 3 had fertilised but only two survived.
Day two came after very little sleep and a lot of worry on my part, my call to the lab told me that there were none that were viable or so the very distant voice of the lab tech on the phone told me.
DEVASTAION! My world spun into a place it had never been before. I tried to put on a brave face but my world was spinning so wildly that it was hard to be brave at this time in my life.
Round 2 IVF treatment and still on the same amount of drugs to help produce the much needed eggs .. So started the injections and medications all over again. I had not given up on my dream but I was afraid for the first time. The day of retrieval came round and I was hopeful but fearful at the same time. Scans done in the days before retrieval day had shown only a couple of large follicles. Not what we would have expected but still the doctor said we would do the retrieval so I still had hope.
NOTHING… There were no eggs this time. I wanted to crawl in a hole and hide from the world. My dream of becoming a Mother seemed to be disappearing and there was nothing I could do. I had tried all the special diets and wellness treatments to prepare for my body to produce the eggs and for conception and I still had nothing and the thought of becoming a mother seemed so distant now. My heart and soul felt broken in a million pieces.
I would go to work and pretend that nothing was wrong .. everyone around me was having babies and I also worked in Childcare so as the doctor pointed out to me it made things harder to deal with at times … not that he had to point anything out to me .. I knew life was hard at this time. All that money and pain yet I had nothing to show for it.
IVF is a very expensive procedure and something I had to save up for and I had used most of my house deposit money.
I didn’t know how to continue I was ready to give up and for a couple of months I did give up. My family were supportive and offered to help with the cost but it still took another few months before I could even think about making an appointment for a new IVF specialist. I made the decision to go to a different clinic as I had lost faith in the original doctor and clinic.
The new doctor looked at my file and knew what I had been through, he looked me in the eye and told me he would get me pregnant and that was a promise.
So round 3 of IVF began, this time I was on triple the drugs to help stimulate and produce some healthy eggs. In the end we only got one .. but hey that is all that was needed in the long run because as I sit here typing .. my beautiful baby girl is sitting beside me reading a book and singing to herself .. she is happy with her life.
One of the happiest moments in my life was the confirmation I was pregnant. I did what the doctor told me not to do ... I went out and purchased a number of pregnancy tests and did them all to see that magical double line appear. Finally the doctor himself confirmed what I already knew. My happiness is something I can't describe properly .. Elation is a simple word and only part of how I felt at that time.
The next wonderful moment came with the first scan at just a few weeks conception .. finally there was my baby .. hard to tell just what it was at that stage but I had proof that there was a baby in there finally. I love it when the 3D and then 4 D scans started and I was able to see my little cherub clearly. That is a true miracle to able to see your child like that and see features on the scan is just beautiful and amazing.
Recently I have been contemplating doing this all over again. Big difference this time is that I will know what to expect and my doctor knows my history .. I will be 35 when I try and conceive this time and did you know at 35 you are classed as GERIATRIC!! Really!!!!